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  #61  
Old July 31st, 2011, 05:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Sargesatt View Post
You are talking to a man who believes attraction can be learned, and controlled.
Are you serious or is that a joke? If you're serious, I'd be interested in hearing your point of view about that.
  #62  
Old July 31st, 2011, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Shay View Post
Are you serious or is that a joke? If you're serious, I'd be interested in hearing your point of view about that.
I'm serious, and have been involved in some pretty heavy debates on the subject.

It's not a simple issue, and there are many factors, but simply put, there is innate attraction, and then there is learned attraction. Both can be controlled.

Man is a higher being, who can exercise control over all decisions. Most either choose not to, or opt out.
  #63  
Old August 1st, 2011, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Sargesatt View Post
I'm serious, and have been involved in some pretty heavy debates on the subject.

It's not a simple issue, and there are many factors, but simply put, there is innate attraction, and then there is learned attraction. Both can be controlled.

Man is a higher being, who can exercise control over all decisions. Most either choose not to, or opt out.
I'm interested in how attraction can be learned. I get the control over the decisions thing but if there is no existing chemistry already, how can you learn it? I thought attraction was mostly biological.
  #64  
Old August 1st, 2011, 02:52 PM
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I think it means learning to love. I.E.) the couple who was forced to marry under a shot gun wedding at age 18 because of pregnancy, or the people who are forced into arranged marriages. . .when the eventually "grow" on eachother, and fall in love. Kind of along the same lines as attraction. But that's along the lines of love and not attraction ~ but i think the same would go for a physical attraction. If a person wasn't physically attracted to another person, but spent enough time with that person, and cared for them, it would naturally come later on, where pushing aside the faults that make someone not so attractive, eventually are masked because they don't really matter anymore.

Have i got it right Sargestat ? (sry i dont think i spelled that right)
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Old August 1st, 2011, 06:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shay View Post
I'm interested in how attraction can be learned. I get the control over the decisions thing but if there is no existing chemistry already, how can you learn it? I thought attraction was mostly biological.
Do you think attraction can be "unlearned"?

It happens to married couples all of the time. They find themselves having lost attraction to their spouse. If they can't find the 'spark' again, then divorce may result.

If it can be "unlearned", then it can be learned.

I find myself attracted to redheads. Don't know why. It could be innate, it could be learned. I married a brunette who has since turned silver. Since I have been married, I am no longer attracted to redheads.

Of course, after 22 years of marriage, attraction to another woman is an intellectual exercise.

Seriously, from a college paper on the subject:
"Attraction - Numerous elements have been identified as playing a role in attraction. For example, attraction is a function of proximity (how frequently you cross paths with someone), familiarity and similarity (e.g. in looks, or attitudes) (Kalat, 1996). This has been supported both with studies of attraction to friends and to romantic partners.

Playing hard-to-get also contributes to human's attraction to one another (Hatfield, Walster, Piliavin & Schmidt, 1988). Apparently individuals make attributions about potential significant others based upon how quickly that person returns a show of interest. Those who are easily attained are less attractive than those who are more difficult too attain due to the traits the relationship-seeker attributes to her. For example, relationship seekers fear that easy-to-get women might display inappropriate behaviors in public. However, a hard-to-get woman who indicates interest in the relationship-seeker has positive traits attributed to her such as warmth and friendliness.

Another overwhelmingly important element in attraction is physical attractiveness. As stated previously, research between attitudes and behaviors are not always consistent. Research on what individuals find attractive in potential dates provides further evidence for this inconsistency in human sexual behavior. Although subjects stated that physical attractiveness was one of the least important elements in their attraction to someone else, in actual experiments using blind dates, the only factor which predicted whether subjects desired a second date with the same person was the attractiveness of the blind date (Walster, Aronson, Abrahams, & Rottman, 1966). This was true for both male and female participants of the study. In a study on physical attractiveness and relationship length, the factor which best predicted whether couples would remain together nine months after they began dating was the similarity in their physical attractiveness (White, 1980). This "matching" phenomenon in which people tend to select mates that match them in terms of physical attractiveness, has been replicated and expanded upon with consistent results (Feingold, 1988). It might seem that we learn to appreciate beauty from the culture that we are born into, yet studies of pre-school children indicate that they too, prefer attractive classmates and also make attributions based on classmates' physical characteristics (Dion & Berscheid, 1971).

Attraction to others is yet another element of sexual motivation that has its roots in both nature and nurture -- it is obviously innate to seek out attractive others, yet we still lean towards mates who are more similar to us, an apparent influence of culture and learning in addition to an inherited predisposition."
http://www.csun.edu/~vcpsy00h/students/sexmotiv.htm
  #66  
Old August 1st, 2011, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Shellym0922 View Post
I think it means learning to love. I.E.) the couple who was forced to marry under a shot gun wedding at age 18 because of pregnancy, or the people who are forced into arranged marriages. . .when the eventually "grow" on eachother, and fall in love. Kind of along the same lines as attraction. But that's along the lines of love and not attraction ~ but i think the same would go for a physical attraction. If a person wasn't physically attracted to another person, but spent enough time with that person, and cared for them, it would naturally come later on, where pushing aside the faults that make someone not so attractive, eventually are masked because they don't really matter anymore.

Have i got it right Sargestat ? (sry i dont think i spelled that right)
You look to be on the right path.
  #67  
Old August 31st, 2011, 11:30 AM
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This topic was on the front page when I logged in today...don't think I was a member here when it first appeared.

What I've found out about sex is without a doubt, it gets better with age. You finally figure out how all those parts on one another's bodies work and oh, so how well they can work together when you communicate and take time with each other.

Not sure there is any one formula for getting her in the mood..it varies from woman-to-woman and from moment-to-moment. I think overall it's good to be versatile...sometimes down and dirty and sometimes the rose pedal and romance thing...just gotta be careful not confuse which is right at what time.
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  #68  
Old August 31st, 2011, 11:47 AM
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Men are like firemen. Always ready at a moments notice.
Women are like the fire. Can be very exciting but all the variables have to be just right for it to occur.
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Old August 31st, 2011, 02:12 PM
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Originally Posted by lilbug View Post
This topic was on the front page when I logged in today...don't think I was a member here when it first appeared.

What I've found out about sex is without a doubt, it gets better with age. You finally figure out how all those parts on one another's bodies work and oh, so how well they can work together when you communicate and take time with each other.

Not sure there is any one formula for getting her in the mood..it varies from woman-to-woman and from moment-to-moment. I think overall it's good to be versatile...sometimes down and dirty and sometimes the rose pedal and romance thing...just gotta be careful not confuse which is right at what time.
you said it best...
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